Ode to the Uterus

I've had a couple people close to me recently go through the loss of a good portion of their "lady bits" and it reminded me of the poem my mother wrote when she had her hysterectomy:

Ode to the Uterus

(How about a 6 week vacation?)

by Kathy Jo Irwin

The uterus, the uterus,

The teachers used to tutor us

"Is used for human procreation

And not at all for recreation."

Girls learned it all from pads to tampons

Sponges, pills and bits that clamped on

Feminine hygiene and virginity

Moral behavior in that vicinity.

Adolescence, college, marriage,

Three kids later without miscarriage.

Each month you still groan and sputter

And make me feel like a tub of butter.

Now my knees in the air, my feet in the stirrups,

Doc's up to her shoulder in K-Y syrup,

I listen as she lectures me

On my upcoming hysterectomy.

Oh uterus, my uterus,

Now you're not so cuter-us.

They say you've gone and grown a tumor,

A big fibroid, that's the rumor.

Now I lay me down to sleep

So surgeons, can inside me peep.

So uterus, though you've served me well

I guess it's time we bid farewell.

And Doctors, as you hover over me,

Please try to leave at least one ovary,

To put to rest my husband's fear

That I might decide to grow a beard.